Thursday, November 13, 2008

Abstaining, I SO need it!!!

It all comes down to this. 12 hours. From 1:30am until 1:30pm. The dreaded abstinence. The time in which one must abstain from all food and drink only black coffee (blech) or water, prior to one's blood work-up. I haven't had a physical in a few years, so it's about time. Why is it when you CAN'T have food, you want it the most??? I usually don't eat during the day at all, sans a small bowl of cereal, but I woke up this morning famished!

Is a really tiny little teaspoon of sugar, and a drop of half-and-half really going to screw up my blood work? I mean, really?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What a long strange trip it's been

So much has happened in the last month. So much. Almost too much. My dear grandmother passed away, my mom and her customers narrowly missed serious injury (or even being killed) at her store, and then my dad was hit by a van. Thankfully he's on the road to recovery also.

I don't mean to be a downer, really I don't. It's just that nothing funny has happened lately. Nothing to make me smile devilishly and make me want to post about it.

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Flag, The Screw & The Brain

So, if you are a suburban mom like I am, you decorate for each and every holiday. This entails taking the American Flag down for several weeks so that your decorative holiday flag and get it's share of time on the flagpole. We have been experiencing flagpole problems. Our dear American Flag lost it's attachment thingy on the bottom, so I sewed a grommet and attached a niftly little clip to the flagpole in an effort to keep it from twisting.

So after carefully arranging my corn stalks (and why does the grocery store call them "shalks"?) and tying them with a pretty hand-made bow by yours truly, and hanging my darling Halloween sign on the door, and arranging a pretty table with black tablecloth and pretty mum plants, I went to change out my flag. And that's when I found it. The screw.

It seems as though hubby decided that my hand sewn grommet was not to his liking. He decided to SCREW (with a washer for added effect no less) the flag to the flagpole. Now, my first thought was, "OK, I will unscrew the flag and hang my Halloween flag." Nope. No can do. Because now the entire contraption that actually holds the bottom of the flag to the pole is gone.

So my next thought was this... "I wonder how my husband can go all day without getting a headache? Because his brains are in is ASS!"

Seriously? What the hell??? Does anyone else have to deal with this level of stupidity daily?

Friday, October 3, 2008

October is Here! Yay?

It's that time of the year again... leaves starting to change, baseball playoffs, high school homecomings, and the dreaded costume challenge. Last year the kidlets went as a Celtic Princess and a Devil, very fitting if you know my kidlets. This year they both want to go as Sharpei from High School Musical. And they are fighting. Over who gets to be Sharpei. Now, the littlest kidlet would be an awesome Sharpei, the older kidlet, not so much. So as a mom, how do you tactfully tell an 8 1/2 year old that she isn't Sharpei? Well, you don't. So I told neither of them can be Sharpei.

Whatever happened to being a witch? Oh wait, that's my everyday costume!

Monday, September 29, 2008

The "Guys" Weekend

My ever-lovin' hubby just returned from his annual "guy's weekend camping trip". He is full of testesterone now, and sporting 3 days growths. He is wearing the same clothes today as he was on Friday at 5am when he left. He feels manly, re-charged even.

I, on the other hand, spent 3 glorious days with the kidlets. We did Build-A-Bear, Claire's (where all the rage are the fake eyeglasses, and we are now the proud owner of 3 pairs), Limited Too, Nordstrom's, McDonald's, Marshalls, etc..... I also went to soccer games, softball games, and still had the energy to do mani/pedis on my girls. I did 3 loads of laundry, re-organized a closet, and cleaned up cat puke.

So my question is this - why don't the moms ever get an annual "girl's weekend trip"? Oh, I already know the answer to that. But I'm curious if any of you actually do a weekend trip away with your girlfriends. Seriously. If you do, please post back to my post. I want to live vicariously through all of you.

My answer to the question is this: I could go away for weekend, sans kids and hubby, but then I would return to 10 loads of laundry, dishes in the sink, crap laying in every single room, non-bathed kids, forgotten soccer and softball games, cats that haven't been fed in 3 days, etc, etc, etc...

So ANY relaxation at all, would be down the crapper in the first 5 minutes of being home! It just isn't worth it!

So instead of going away for a weekend with my friends, I decided to treat myself to new Ugg boots this weekend. Ah yes, my idea of some estrogen injection - a great pair of expensive shoes!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Parking Lot Etiquette

So here's the deal. Us moms have an agenda. Get in and get out. When it comes to shopping or running errands when the kidlets are in school, we don't mess around. (Of course if you are talking a leisurely walk around the outlet mall, that's different.) What ruins our schedule every time are the Parking Lot Misfits. These are the folks that walk at a snails pace down the center of the aisle. They don't care that you can't reach any parking spaces, much less actually park the car. Then there are the folks that let their kids run around the parking lot willy nilly. You are so busy watching out for their kids, that you miss the open parking spot to the left.

And lastly, you have the folks that drive about a half a mile an hour down the aisle, and you stuck behind them. You can't go around them because they are smack dab in the middle of the aisle. It's like if they drive slow enough, they will get a coveted spot.

I swear, my schedule has been screwed up so many times from folks like this! Don't they realize that I have soap operas to watch and bon bons to eat?

Saturday, September 6, 2008

I am officially a "Soccer Mom"

It's official. The youngest kidlet started soccer, and today was her first soccer game! She donned her red jersey, shin guards and cleats. Then applied bright blue eye shadow and lip gloss before she took the field. At only 6, she is definitely a Sarah Jessica Parker in the making. I am certain that she will be on the big screen before Suri Cruise.

So, as much as like I like to snark like a Soccer Mom, I am now officially one.

The game was awesome! 10 little girls running around and trying to kick that ball. More often than not, kicking each other or some harmless blades of grass. The true highlight of the game came in the second half when my kidlet scored a goal! Too bad is was the opposing teams goal, but it was a goal nonetheless. Kidlet seemed to zone out during the part when the coach was telling them that they were now to score in the opposite goal than when they first started the game. I think she was reapplying lipgloss. Hey, gotta look good out there!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Life, Love & The Pursuit of Mommy Happiness!

Wow! It has been an entire month since I have written! It's not that I have had nothing to say - let's face it, I ALWAYS have something to say! But we have been very busy. We decided to move. We have been mulling over this decision for months, and then this GREAT house became available, just a few blocks from the kidlets school. So, needless to say, we had to pack, move and then try to get the old house ready to sell. We're still in the process. But it's only been a week and a half, so I'm confident that the old house will be on the market in the next year or so!

Then the kidlets started school last week. Yep, right smack dab in the middle of moving. Can you say chaos! No one wanted to sleep, no one wanted to go to school, and that's just me! The kidlets were not cooperative in the least. And hubby and I finally figured out why we have no money in the college savings accounts - we moved no less than 20 Rubbermaid bins filled with toys. We must have at least $5k invested in Barbies alone. Moms with boys, I cheer you on!

That's all I've got for now, but check back later. I have a comment or two about Parking Lot Ettiquette that I need to brush off my shoulders!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Have a Happy Period!

Have you seen this commercial yet? A woman skipping through her day, and then the tag line is, "Have a Happy Period. Always." Who is the dumbass that thought this up? Must have been a man. There is nothing happy about having your monthly friend. (Well, except back in the day when you did the happy dance when you FINALLY got your period, if you know what I mean.) But c'mon! Telling a woman to have a happy period is like telling a man to have a happy proctology exam! Let's see, between the sore breasts, bloating, cramping, and oh yeah, the actual bleeding, what is so happy about it? Every time I get my period, should I thank the mother earth that I am woman, able to reproduce, bear the fruit of my man and able to carry on mankind? No. Every time I get my period, I can't fit into a pair of shorts. Then I search for the guacamole Doritos (which I can't find because Doritos discontinued them) and when I can't find them, I eat five Hershey bars. Happy? No. Miserable? Yes. And I don't need a stupid commercial to remind me that I should be happy.

OK, off my rant now. Give me another 3 1/2 days and I will post something nice again.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


Remember when the word "weed" was a good word? Ah yes, the word invoked Pink Floyd, someone's bedroom (with standard towel shoved underneath the door jam) and a dryer sheet tucked into an end of an empty paper towel roll. Ah, youth! Giggling at your friend's skinny ankles that you, completely baked, just now noticed. Or that lyric that just churned out on the record player (remember those?) that had everyone pondering the meaning of life.

No, the weed I'm referring to is the Creeping Charlie that has invaded my life. Every single one of my gardens, and I have many, is infested with this damn weed! I have just spent the last 6 1/2 hours weeding gardens, and I'm only about 1/2 way done. This sucks. I seriously wish I had some of that other weed right now, because maybe the time would go by faster. Oh wait, that kind of weed makes everything slow down.

So, out to my gardens I go. Thankfully my kidlets are still unaware of weed, because otherwise while I'm pulling them, they would probably be in the house smoking them. Like what was happening back in the day.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

A Mullet By Any Other Name....

We are vacationing in Michigan for a long weekend. And of course not only did I bring the laptop with, I also vehemently people watch. We were at the beach, and littlest kidlet needed to potty. So I stand in line with a sand-covered, bronzed six year old, waiting for the next available stall to open. There stood in front of us was a mom with her son. The tyke couldn't have been more than four, but he sprouted a mullet from his round little head. His bangs were uber-short, as was the rest of the hair on his head. The hair on the back of his head was half-way down his back. I sized up mom and realized then where the mullet came from. Mom is wearing a standard mom-issued skirted tankini, but unlike myself, she had the strangest tattoo on her shoulder. Now, I am certainly not looking down on anyone with a tatoo (I secretely desire one myself, but that is another post and I digress), it's just HER tatoo that had me pondering. On her shoulder was Minnie Mouse, er, uh, a WELL endowed Minnie Mouse holding a bong. Minnie's eyes were glassy and she was holding her skirt up on one side to reveal a garter belt and nothing else.

So, ladies, please. A little decorum. Should you find yourself with a tattoo that is rather, um, questionable, please visit a plastic surgeon and have it removed. Or else you might feel compelled to think that mullets are just fine.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Dusting off the Sex Toys

You know you haven't done it in a while when you go to close your bedroom door for a little privacy and you have to move:

1. A box of Barbies
2. Two saddled American Girl horses
3. A laundry basket full of clean clothes from two weeks ago
4. Approximately 4 of your husband's dress shirts waiting to be ironed, hanging from each doorknob
5. One soccer shoe, children size 13
5. Your husbands dress shoes that of course, smell

And because you made so much noise moving all this stuff, you now have to relocate one half-asleep 8 year old back to her bed.

Mission accomplished!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Little Nipples

I found myself alone for a few hours today, so I parked myself in an over-sized chair and helped myself to an over-sized, over-priced cup of coffee at the neighborhood Starbucks. I was planning on writing, but brought along the latest of my summer reads instead. One of the barristas was this skinny guy, in his 20s maybe? Anyway, he had on this tight white, lycra t-shirt. Let's just say that the coffee shop was air conditioned. And let's just say that that this guy was not wearing a padded bra. Being the people watcher that I am, I couldn't help but stare at his nipples. He had the SMALLEST nipples I have ever seen! Now, I'm not a nipple connesouir by any means, but these things were like little soldiers standing at attention to the best of their abilities. And because the lycra tee was white, you could see the outline of the areaola. And they were damn small as well. Huh. I wonder if this guy's girlfriend (and or boyfriend) has ever told him to stop wearing these types of shirts. Or maybe they are the reason he DOES wear these types of shirts! LOL! Blech!

OK, this is weird. I should stop. See what happens when kids are on summer vacation? Their mom's minds turn to mush.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Divorce at the Drive Through

No, I'm not divorcing! But McDonald's drive through almost caused World War III in this house! I'm a full-time mom, so I'm used to dealing with the drive through at most fast food restaurants. But my loving husband decided to go through the drive through at McDonald's on Saturday. (By the way, he has done this before, he wasn't entering virgin territory here. Trust me folks, the man eats his share of Mickey D's.) He comes home with what is supposed to be 2 six piece McNugget Happy Meals, 2 kids Sprites, 2 ranch sauces, a crispy Southwest salad, 1 large ice tea (not that sweet tea crap) with lemon, and a quarter pounder value meal for himself.

I am going through the bags and happy meal cartons. No ranch sauce. Enter a screaming 6 year old. No toy in one box. Enter a screaming 8 year old. My ice tea? Yep, a sweet tea (blech). The only thing that my significant other got correct was his meal. So I tell him he has to go back. I get the look from hell like I just asked him to drive to Russia for some caviar. McDonald's is less than a mile from our house. I explain to him that it's his own dumb ass fault for not checking the bags and boxes before he pulled away. He then starts lecturing me on how, if people did their job correctly, and actually took pride in their job, then mistakes like this wouldn't happen.

Uh, hello? We're talking McDonald's here sweetie, not Nordstroms. I gently remind him that the three women in his life (which only one is speaking rationally, the other two are now on the floor in full-blown temper tantrums) would be a hell of a lot happier if he had taken the time to check the bags.

So, being the mom that I am, I take the receipt and car keys and go back to McDonalds. I get the missing toy, my correct ice tea (with 2 lemons thank-you-very-much) and ranch sauce. And because they were apologetic, I scored 3 free chocolate shakes. When I walked in, the kids cheered up and were thrilled with their free desserts. Hubby on the other hand asked where his shake was. With one eyebrow raised ever so slightly, I told him that I didn't check the bag before I left.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Summer Vacation Day 1

Well, so much for the sleeping in! Kiddos are still in early mode and woke me up at 7:30am. Thankfully there was only one hitting incident, but it's early, only 10:30am. Now I must go navigate Target with them. God give me strength to say no to Moon Sand!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Last Day of School!

Woo Hoo?

It's only been 7 hours since the kiddos were released to my summer custody, and already we're whining and fighting. Of course it's also ten o'clock at night and they are in need of some serious sleep. I'm fairly confident that summer vacation was created by a man. A man who works 5 days a week and only interacts with his children from the hours of 6pm to 8:30pm.

You hear about these moms that have drinking problems, or who smoke pot all day long. Well DUH! I can totally see this! I get it!

And while we're on the subject of man's creations - Polly Pockets... WTF? How many little itty bitty rubber shoes can one possibly pick up before one reaches for the vacuum?

Friday, May 30, 2008

When it Rains, Men Sit on Their Asses

The dryer is broken. OK, it's not exactly broken, but something is burning inside the motor. It's only two years old, and the rocket scientist I'm married to decided he could fix it. (You can imagine me rolling my eyes, right?) So he opened up the back and then decided that he didn't want to mess around and I should call a repairman. Ya think?

So the repairman can't come until Monday. No big deal. I always have a clothesline going in the backyard, so I hung up two more and have been zipping through the laundry as usual. Yesterday evening I decide to do a few errands and leave said rocket scientist home with the kidlets. By the time I got home, it was pouring.

You guessed it. Three clotheslines full of clothes and bedding that WERE almost dry are now soaking wet. All because my husband cannot do two things at once - watch the kids (and it's not like their toddlers for Heaven's sake, they are 6 and 8) AND take clothes off the lines!

Why oh why are men so one-dimensional??? I didn't say a word. I just went out into the pouring rain and took down my soaking wet laundry. And then he wonders why he doesn't have any clean (or dry) underwear this morning....

Monday, April 28, 2008

Attention new moms!

There is this little burger joint in the heart of our town's downtown area that is a popular hang-out with the bike-riding kid crowd. I was there on Saturday with my eight year old, her friend, and my twelve year old niece. Being girls, we were all laughing and having a great time over our cheese fries. There were tables full of kids that are allowed to ride their bikes to the main strip in town, indulging on chocolate malts and kid banter. Sitting behind my girls was this couple with a new baby. New Mom was standing, bouncing baby, shushing baby, and trying to get baby to sleep. All the while, she is shooting me (the only other mom in the place) these dirty looks like, "Can't you quiet your children? I'm trying to get my baby to sleep!" And of course I'm shooting her looks back like, "Uh honey, if you want your baby to sleep, take baby home!"

So, a call out to all new moms.... I don't care that you come waltzing into our burger joint with your stroller, babysling, breastfeeding cover-up and diaper bag stuffed with a month's worth of supplies! This is a hang-out for our children. That sweet little baby of yours is going to eventually grow up to be a noisy kid that is going to laugh and talk loudly. They will likely wake up a sleeping baby or two in their lifetime. You have GET OVER IT! And if you want your baby to sleep, go home, lay in your bed and put the baby to the breast and fall asleep yourself. At least, that is what always worked for me! Oh, and one more thing, you don't need a diaper bag stuffed to the gills. Really, you don't. All that diaper bag does is hurt your shoulder and scream NEW MOM HERE!

Monday, April 14, 2008

I'm only going to say this once!

Kendall is stupid for telling Zach she slept with Aidan. Greenlee is just a dumbass all together (and by the way, the "old" Greenlee should have stayed gone). Adrianna is a bitch and needs to f* off. Rex and Gigi will end up together, happily ever after. And Cole? He's twice as big as nasty old Todd, why doesn't he just take him?

Us moms do watch soap operas, don't let anyone tell you different. The reason why they don't tell you is that they don't want you to think that we sit on the couch eating bon-bons while we do it. We use our DVRs wisely... we multi-task. Especially us moms that work from home. It's amazing how much work you can get done on the computer while sitting on the couch, watching soaps and eating bon-bons!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Quick update!

Some of my readers have asked about Tricia - the woman waiting for a double lung transplant. She received her new lungs overnight! Please continue to pray for Tricia, her husband Nate, and their baby girl who was born 15+ weeks early because of her mom's CF. You can read all about this wonderful little family on Nate's blog: Confessions of a CF Husband

Also, please keep the family of the donor in your prayers. Their loss means life for others. The decision they made was hard, but means so much. God give them the strength to grieve, and know the gift they have given others. If you haven't signed up to be an organ donor yet, please do so. You can visit your Secretary of State's website and sign up there. Also please let your family know your intentions.

It's that time of the year!

I had plenty of time to shower this morning, and shave every area that was in need (you have to realize that being Italian, the shaving process can take anywhere from a 5 minute touch up, to an entire 15 minutes of fine grooming). I slipped on clean cotton underwear, great jeans and a top, and I was off! A touch of lip gloss, and I was READY!

It's the annual gynecological appointment!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over the past 15 years, I've had my fair share of time in the stirrups. From pre-cancerous cells on my ever-lovin' cervix that needed to be removed, the bi-monthly paps that followed for a year, to the oh-so-wonderful infertility treatments, I think everyone in the state of Illinois and then some, has seen my crotch. I used to not worry about the grooming part, but then I thought, "Geez, my doctor sees hundreds of these things every day, why not make it look pretty?"

Oh, I'm not a Brazillian type of gal, but when you're a hairy Italian, you need to keep things in check. And besides, pool season is coming. So, I try to keep groomed, even in the winter and non-swimsuit seasons.

But the funniest thing happened BEFORE I got up into the stirrup room. I am sitting in the waiting room, which is filled with enormously pregnant women. There is a woman sitting across from me, with her 3 year old son. The kid had little cars and was making zoom-zoom noises, but high-pitched. Like glass-shattering squeals. You could tell that at nine months pregnant, that mom was getting a little irritated. Then I hear the about-to-burst woman next to me say, "I just can't wait! Imagine our little man playing like that one day!" to her husband as she rubs her belly. Oh brother! Is she in for a culture shock! Wait until Junior runs his metal cars across her dining room table, leaving gouges behind!

Well, this year is behind me. I'm sure next year there will be another little diddy I can post about. After all, there is something rather amusing about seeing enormously pregnant women while you are wearing a pair of slimming jeans with heels!

Monday, March 31, 2008

And the Bad Mommy award goes to....

ME of course! I had kicked the kidlets and the husband out so I could work on our taxes when the phone call came. "Are you guys coming?" I quickly flip through the family calender and see it there in red permanent marker, "J's Birthday Party 1-4pm". My 6 year old's best little girlfriend. I blew it. I completely forgot about J's birthday party! ARGH!!!!!

But what I want to know, is why is this type of thing all the mom's fault? Why wasn't my other half responsible in some way? He remembered his boy's night out on Saturday, why couldn't he have remembered the birthday party? I laid in bed last night with the worst mommy guilt. How the Hell would I explain this to my daughter before she faced J at school in the morning? While I stared at the ceiling at 2am, the other half was snoring away!

So now I'm sitting here hitting myself over the head, thinking of ways to make it up to both girls. A trip to Build A Bear? A trip to Libby Lu? How about if I just hand each of them a $50 and call it a day? I'm sure my other half is sitting at his desk, worrying about the same thing. (Yeah, right.)

So does mommy guilt ever go away? Is this why we end up in therapy? I love therapy by the way, and highly recommend it!


On a serious note, please continue to think good thoughts and pray (if you are the praying type) for Tricia and Nate. They received word last night that a set of lungs were available only to learn in the wee hours of the morning that they weren't suitable for Tricia. Bless the family that made the choice to donate organs! Please sign the back of your driver's license and tell your family your wishes to be an organ donor.

To read about Tricia, Nate & their beautiful baby girl, please visit: Confessions of a CF Husband

Friday, March 28, 2008

The New "Nooner"

Remember those pre-kids days when you could sit and watch TV, whether it be Friends, Seinfeld or porn, any old time of the day? Well here I am at 1:30am watching some adult TV. No, not porn! But stuff that I wouldn't want my kids to see or hear. They have heard the word, "SEX" more times that I care to admit, but I have yet to have the question asked. And that is fine with me.

(As the mother of two girls, with more curiosity than most, I had an abbreviated tampon talk with them once. They see the book, "The Care and Keeping of You" as a bedtime story.)

I digress.

So, my new nooner is usually around midnight, with my DVR and my remote. So when I hear the word "SEX" I can remember the good old days. When I had some. At midnight. And not watching others doing it on TV.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Spring Break

It is that time of the year again! Spring break! This is definitely a "man" made thing. Us moms? Nope. The kids would be in school year round without a day's break if you ask me. Not that I don't love my children. I do! But when they are at home, without the structure of the daily grind, they turn into fighting, whining little brats. And I say that in the most sincere of ways!

But what has really gotten to me is the mess in the house. Everywhere I look there are dirty socks, empty cups, video games, and just a mess everywhere I go! And that is just the mess my husband leaves behind! With the girls home, I have Webkinz, Barbies, American Girl dolls, dress-up clothes, baby dolls, clothes (should I go on?) laying all over the place.

Since both children have been nothing but sick this past winter (I am on a first name basis with both school nurses, and all 4 pediatricians in the practice), I vowed that the three of us would stay home this week and stay away from certain childhood cesspools of infections. That lasted a day. My father in law asked if he could take the girls to this local indoor fun park yesterday, and of course I couldn't resist a few hours of silence!

Well, I best be getting to the vacuum. If I can find it. Under the candy wrappers and dirty socks.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I just love it when....

No one is sick in the house! Oh my! I don't know about you, but this winter sicko season has been horrible in our house! It started with the snotty noses and lovely lung butter that accompanies every damn cough. Then it manifested itself into the "headache/fever/sinus" flu. Daughter #2 was affected first. Had her home an entire week with a headache and fever. Then the following week, it was daughter #1's turn. Yep, home the entire week. Just when I thought I would finally have a "normal" week - I got hit with it. That was just two weeks ago, and now daughter #1 has pink eye. Does it ever end?

It's supposed to be in the 50s here in the Chicago area today and I plan on opening up every window and changing all the bedding. I have also warned the kiddos that they have to be bleeding out of their eyeballs to take another sick day before the end of the school year.

Oh, and the end of the school year is being pushed back by almost a week because of all the snow days. I'm not sure yet if having the kiddos in school an extra week is a good thing or a bad thing. All I know is that I can't wait until the lazy days by the community pool start again!

(I know, not really funny today, but when you've been dealing with the crud for the past two months, there is nothing funny to say!)

Monday, March 10, 2008

For Tricia ---

I've been reading this incredible blog for a while now. A wonderful, courageous woman named Tricia who is in a full blown battle with Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and awaiting a lung transplant. In the meantime, her beautiful baby girl is in the NICU, gaining weight and smiling for her daddy.

I'm sharing a few comments for Tricia...

- I can't wait until your baby girl throws up in the car for the first time and even though you powerwash the interior, you smell spoiled milk puke smell for months.

- I can't wait until your baby girl says, "mommy" "mommy" "mommy" over and over again, so many times, that you want to change your name your name to Myrtle.

- I can't wait until your baby girl tells you she wants to take ballet, soccer, karate and art - all in the same week, and you sign her up for all of them because you don't want to stifle any creativity or talent in your three year old.

- I can't wait until your baby girl's first day of Kindergarten. You'll laugh, you'll cry. And then you'll realize that life is starting over again for you.

- I can't wait until there is no more CF in the world, and that your baby girl will never know a world where her mom has CF.

- I can't wait until your baby girl makes you a grandma with her own baby girls.

Stay strong Tricia. Make your own destiny. Visualize where you want to be tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. Laugh in life's jokes. Find comfort in shadows - for shadows are nothing without the light that shines behind them.

And always have faith in our God, because He still very much has faith in you.

(All my bestest wishes to Tricia, Nathan and baby Gwyneth. You are always in my heart and prayers!)

Friday, February 15, 2008

No Invite to the Orgy

Did you know that the word Orgy originates from the Greeks and Romans? Go figure! and the word orgy actually means, "A revel involving unrestrained indulgence". So when our annual invitation to our school's biggest fundraiser, the annual auction, came in the mail, I had thoughts of auctions of the past. Open bar, plenty of laughing, eating WAY too much, just an overall good, adult time with our friends.

So imagine my surprise that my group of "friends" had already rsvp'd an entire table without us! It's embarrassing enough when your husband turns you down for sex in favor of the new Playstation game, but when your friends don't invite you to the orgy? How do I show my face at the next school board meeting?

So what does this mean? Am I a social outcast? Was my suggestion of doing body shots last year in bad taste? Do I smell? So I had to ask, right? All I got was shrugged shoulders and a quick change of conversation. I still need to get to the bottom of this.

But let me ask this... when the moms get shunned, does this mean that the children should be shunned as well? When does the shunning stop? Are there rules for shunning? I don't believe Miss Manners has ever covered the adult orgy shun. Hmmm.... maybe I should look through the back issues of the Playboy Advisor for this one!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

My HOT Date

Can you hear the porn music in the background? Hubby and I found ourselves alone last night with the kiddos spending the night with my sister. I slipped on this little black lacy number before we went out to dinner. I was feelin' it - if you know what I mean. We got up to leave and I REALLY felt it. On the right side. Starting in my lower back, going all the way down my right leg. Yep. I threw my back out shoveling snow earlier in the day.

So when we got home, obviously hanky panky was out of the question. I could barely sit, much less sit on... well... let's leave that to the imagination. So instead of having a hot date with hubby, I had a hot date with Mr. Heating Pad. And here I am more than 24 hours later, still lovin' it up with the heating pad.

But let's talk about hot dates with your spouse for a moment. Now, with small children, usually you only get a moment alone, right? So it's got to be fast, and absolutely little to no foreplay. But when you are alone, kids otherwise occupied, why can't there be romance? Do we get so caught up in the day to day menagerie, that we forget that romance can still exist? Or do we just forget about romance?

Every so often, it would be nice to have a little sweet talk, some gentle, soft kisses. But now, with kids and work, and thrown out backs, we are lucky if a breast gets touched before the panties come off. (Exactly the reason why we should all buy stock in Johnson & Johnson. After all, they are the makers of KY.)

It's not middle aged vaginal dryness! It's our husbands and significant others wanting immediate sex without the proper foreplay! When we were in our early twenties and had our way with men, we could take as much time as we needed, and our men saw that as "teasing" before the big deal. Now, foreplay is seen as the deal breaker!!!

So, the moral of the story is this - if you want foreplay, start by yourself a half an hour before your husband comes to bed! Oh, and don't forget the KY!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

French Toast

French Toast. Simple, right? A few pieces of bread, some egg, a dash of milk, a pan on a stove. But french toast has taken on an entirely different meaning in my house. It has become the antithesis of what is wrong. See, everyone in my house eats pancakes. I don't like pancakes. So when the other person in my marriage makes breakfast (his choice btw) he has to go OUT of his way to make french toast. And that is the problem. Going out of his way.

What has relationships become? If one partner feels that they are going out of one's way to do something so trivial for their partner? I go out of my way everyday to carry up loads of laundry two flights of stairs at a time. I consider it a workout and part of life. So where did the french toast go wrong? And just try explaining that eggs are good too, just not as filling. Oh boy! You've just started a weeks worth of ignoring the person!

So, while he hems and haws and snickers bad words under his breath, he makes my french toast. I think tomorrow, as I'm taking care of his spawn, who have the day off from school, I will hem and haw. But first I'll have to turn off the mommy instinct to nurture.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Nothin' Sexy About This

Sorry I've been AWOL! Life has gotten in the way of my philosophies. What I'm going to say next is from the heart. Nothing funny about this:

Bush's "Economic Recovery" Program

ABC Story

I can't stand it when this administration back-peddles! The signs were obvious YEARS ago that the economy was going to take a turn. And now the administration wants to throw peanuts at everyone in America hoping that they'll spend the money to boost the economy. How many millions will run to their nearest Macy's and go on a spree? I'm sorry, but with $1600 per family (as per the story) that would help catch up the bills and maybe, just maybe, leave enough left over to put in savings.

The whole thing just pisses me off. This administration has done nothing but spend money and go all cowboy into countries where we don't belong. With less than 11 months in office, they are JUST NOW trying to undo some of what they have done.

NEWSFLASH Mr. President - It is going to take the new administration at least 3 years, if not longer to clean up your mess.