Sunday, January 27, 2008

My HOT Date

Can you hear the porn music in the background? Hubby and I found ourselves alone last night with the kiddos spending the night with my sister. I slipped on this little black lacy number before we went out to dinner. I was feelin' it - if you know what I mean. We got up to leave and I REALLY felt it. On the right side. Starting in my lower back, going all the way down my right leg. Yep. I threw my back out shoveling snow earlier in the day.

So when we got home, obviously hanky panky was out of the question. I could barely sit, much less sit on... well... let's leave that to the imagination. So instead of having a hot date with hubby, I had a hot date with Mr. Heating Pad. And here I am more than 24 hours later, still lovin' it up with the heating pad.

But let's talk about hot dates with your spouse for a moment. Now, with small children, usually you only get a moment alone, right? So it's got to be fast, and absolutely little to no foreplay. But when you are alone, kids otherwise occupied, why can't there be romance? Do we get so caught up in the day to day menagerie, that we forget that romance can still exist? Or do we just forget about romance?

Every so often, it would be nice to have a little sweet talk, some gentle, soft kisses. But now, with kids and work, and thrown out backs, we are lucky if a breast gets touched before the panties come off. (Exactly the reason why we should all buy stock in Johnson & Johnson. After all, they are the makers of KY.)

It's not middle aged vaginal dryness! It's our husbands and significant others wanting immediate sex without the proper foreplay! When we were in our early twenties and had our way with men, we could take as much time as we needed, and our men saw that as "teasing" before the big deal. Now, foreplay is seen as the deal breaker!!!

So, the moral of the story is this - if you want foreplay, start by yourself a half an hour before your husband comes to bed! Oh, and don't forget the KY!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

French Toast

French Toast. Simple, right? A few pieces of bread, some egg, a dash of milk, a pan on a stove. But french toast has taken on an entirely different meaning in my house. It has become the antithesis of what is wrong. See, everyone in my house eats pancakes. I don't like pancakes. So when the other person in my marriage makes breakfast (his choice btw) he has to go OUT of his way to make french toast. And that is the problem. Going out of his way.

What has relationships become? If one partner feels that they are going out of one's way to do something so trivial for their partner? I go out of my way everyday to carry up loads of laundry two flights of stairs at a time. I consider it a workout and part of life. So where did the french toast go wrong? And just try explaining that eggs are good too, just not as filling. Oh boy! You've just started a weeks worth of ignoring the person!

So, while he hems and haws and snickers bad words under his breath, he makes my french toast. I think tomorrow, as I'm taking care of his spawn, who have the day off from school, I will hem and haw. But first I'll have to turn off the mommy instinct to nurture.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Nothin' Sexy About This

Sorry I've been AWOL! Life has gotten in the way of my philosophies. What I'm going to say next is from the heart. Nothing funny about this:

Bush's "Economic Recovery" Program

ABC Story

I can't stand it when this administration back-peddles! The signs were obvious YEARS ago that the economy was going to take a turn. And now the administration wants to throw peanuts at everyone in America hoping that they'll spend the money to boost the economy. How many millions will run to their nearest Macy's and go on a spree? I'm sorry, but with $1600 per family (as per the story) that would help catch up the bills and maybe, just maybe, leave enough left over to put in savings.

The whole thing just pisses me off. This administration has done nothing but spend money and go all cowboy into countries where we don't belong. With less than 11 months in office, they are JUST NOW trying to undo some of what they have done.

NEWSFLASH Mr. President - It is going to take the new administration at least 3 years, if not longer to clean up your mess.