Big Black Phallicy

I should preface this by saying that my husband drives a black car, but he is a *ahem* cautious driver. So careful is he, that whenever we have to drive somewhere, I drive so that we actually make it to our destination before I turn 40.

No, the black phallicy that I'm referring to is men who drive big ass black SUVs.



You know the type. You don't? Well, let me clue you in. You're driving five screaming second graders in your minivan, obeying every stop sign and making legal turn after legal turn (hey, you're driving someone else's kids too, you're driving on your best behavior) when Man in Big Black SUV (MiGGs for short) goes rolling through the stop sign, cutting you off. He, of course, has the right of way because you are JUST a mom in a minivan. His bluetooth is more valuable than your time.

Oh, and then MiGGs (a different one of course because there are thousands of them out there) cuts you off in the grocery store parking lot because he HAS to park in the "Bob" spot - you know, the spot reserved for him, personally. When he gets out of the oversized SUV, he then proceeds to hawk a phlem ball right in your path. (Meanwhile your five year old thinks this is really cool and tries to repeat the AWESOME feat.)

But my ALL TIME favorite MiGGs tactic is when he flips you the bird and shouts expletives out of his oversized window because GOD FORBID you turn right on a green light while he is coming from the opposite direction, turning left. Don't you KNOW that he ALWAYS has the right of way?

And in case you're wondering why I call this the "phallacy", it's because this big black SUV of his is his only phallic symbol. Only a man with no balls will try to take on a mom in a minivan with a load of second graders.